Sunday was not a good day for me....

I'm really close to my family, and every time someone comes to visit me and then leaves I get a little upset/depressed. I've always been this way, even when I was really little. I remember/my mum's told me that I used to get absolutely hysterical in the airport when we dropped off my grandparents. I also used to cry every day when I had to go to school and leave my mum (yeah, I have/had issues). (The counselor person that I went to go see decided that I had a traumatic childhood full of loss and that now I have attachment issues. I definitely didn't have a traumatic childhood, or one full of loss, but the attachment issues part has some merit...).

Anyway, I also get bouts of nostalgia for various things like childhood. The silly thing is that I'm sure it wasn't that great when it was happening, but it seems like it would be great to go back to it now. (On the other hand, if push came to shove, I don't think I could give up my current life). I also know that in a couple of years I'll look back on my time now and feel nostalgic for that.

My little brother (who visited over the weekend) is currently in his first year of college. It seems like he's having so much fun, and it makes me miss when everything was new and exciting. There's also a girl he likes (and I have literally spent hours in the last few weeks giving him advice on that). I absolutely adore my boy now, and wouldn't break up with him for anything in the world, but hearing all about what my brother's up to does make me miss the beginning of a relationship, when it was exciting when he said he loved your or invited you out. It's not that that stuff isn't exciting now, but I know he loves me (we've been together for over 2.5 years at this point, so I hope he does!!). Him being in the first year of college and having this girl he's pursuing made me nostalgic, and him leaving (at the end of the weekend to go back to his college) just compounded the upset.

When I feel nostalgic I just feel completely depressed and overwhelmed and don't want to do anything but sleep. I'm over it now, and am feeling a lot better (getting over it in a day is pretty good for me!), but it sucks when it's happening. I still haven't really found any successful way of stopping it happening (and I have a feeling I never will) but at least I'm finding ways of coping. The most useful thing my counselor ever said was that I know this is going to happen. It happens without fail every time someone visits and leaves. Either that means that I can't have family visit (and I don't like that idea, I love them visiting) or I need to be aware that when they leave this is going to happen and so I have to plan accordingly. That means trying to get work done in advance, so that I'm not feeling crummy with nostalgia/pseudo-depression and trying to work and also trying to arrange other fun things to do or give myself things to look forward to in the near future.

Do you get nostalgic/upset when things "end"? How do you deal with it?

Summer Schedule and Update!

I'm spending my summer working in my lab at college :S. I told them I couldn't work this week and I'm going home for the next two weeks, which I'm looking forward to. The boyfriend and I are staying on campus this week, as all our graduation ceremonies/reunions are happening next week and we wanted to go to some of those things.

We had to move rooms for that (and he doesn't even technically have a room, so he's living in my room. I'm in a three room quad, meaning that there are two bedrooms, each with two beds in them. Luckily, my roommate (who I've never met) won't be here till Friday, so he's able to stay with me till then). Moving was incredibly stressful. I hate change anyway, it was hot and sweaty out and he was getting mad about having to move everything. Anyway, that's done now (but we have to move again at the end of this week, because I'm in a different room again for the summer), but it was really stressful at the time.

Since then we've just been trying to chill and de-stress, but there's still a lot that we need to do. I went to the doctor today and got my nuvaring prescription refilled - apparently it costs $20/month (with insurance), which is a bit ridiculous. I also got a new pair of shorts for the gym which I'm excited about! Talking about the gym I haven't been in the longest time. I'm planning to go today though for a bit. My diet has been so poor recently that I'm never going to hit my 5lb goal for this month, but a bit of toning never hurt and I need to start going to the gym again for my own sanity. I've also fallen off the wagon a bit with my resolutions. Now that we're settled into the new room though I'm going to try to start working on them again!

Regarding grades...I'm still waiting on one in particular that I'm worried about (I'm meant to be getting it today), so as soon as I get that one I'll let you all know about the ones I have (temper the bad news of that grade with the good news of the others). The main issue with grades is the boyfriends grades though. Every semester he's always disappointed with his grades (mostly B-, B, B+) and thinks they don't adequately reflect his work input. To be honest, I kind of agree with him. He always gets a bit depressed about it, feels useless, compares himself to his genius sister and me (I do slightly better than him) etc. I never know how best to help him, as I don't want to make it seem like his problems don't matter, on the other hand I don't think his grades are that inherently bad. It's really getting to be a bit of a problem though, as I don't tell him my grades now because I don't want to upset him, and the whole not telling each other thing isn't really how our relationship operates. (NB He had a tough freshman year, got an F, through no fault of his own, and a C or two, so his GPA is really not good. Part of the reason he's so tough on himself now is that he really needs A and A-'s to pull up the GPA). I've finally got him to agree to go see the academic counseling people here. I've been to see them before and they really helped me to turn my grades around. He's been to see them before and doesn't like them at all. I think part of that though is his reluctance to put what they tell him into practice... . Anyway, I'm probably going to go to this meeting with him, which I'm hoping will help because at least I'll be able to remember/write down their advice! (Sorry about that rant!)

Does anyone else have suggestions for dealing with these kind of (boy)friend grade issues?

Last Day of Class!

So, today was my last day of class for this year, which I have mixed feelings about. Like I said yesterday, I don't like change, and I don't like things ending, so this is tough from that point of view. I still have exams and papers for all my classes (lots of them!), so they're not totally done. I have really enjoyed my classes this semester, which is great, but it makes it harder when they (start to) end.

At the beginning of this school year (October), I saw a counselor a few times. My college provides counseling to students free of charge, so it seemed like a good time to try it. It's also easy because the health center is just a few minutes from my dorm. I'm not sure what it was about it, but I didn't really like it. I really thought it would be my kind of thing - I'm definitely the type of person who likes to talk out problems.

But...I'm not convinced that the person I was seeing was well matched to me. She specialized in chronic mental health problems, Asian/Asian American issues and eating disorders in minority populations. She was really nice and all, but it wasn't helping me work through my issues. Part of the issue is that I'm definitely someone who dwells on things. It wasn't her fault, but it meant that I'd have to go back and go over issues from the previous week. Anyway, I eventually stopped seeing her, which I think was a good decision. I did later see someone who specialized in biofeedback (which is how I got into coherence), and talked over some of my issues with him. He suggested that if something's upsetting me I give myself five minutes to think about it/dwell on it, and then try to move onto something else. Obviously it's not always that easy to just say "ok, this is really bothering me, but my five minutes are up", but it does get easier with practice!

Anyway, that was all a very long way of getting to the point, namely that if I start stressing about the end of classes again I'm going to give myself five minutes to think about it, and then try to move on to doing or thinking about something else! (If I remember) I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow!

Does anyone have any other coping mechanisms for things like this?