(My only other serious boyfriend graduated from University yesterday, so it got me thinking about all the guys I've dated)
Before I got to my current boyfriend, I had others, only one of whom was serious. My first “boyfriend” was when I was 14. I met him at a “Science Camp”. He was overweight, had ADD and was from Essex (which is a long way from where I live. I don’t think we ever actually met up after the camp, we were just nominally “dating”). He had a very different “world view” to me. Most of his friends seem to have slept around by the time they were 14, and he was desperate to have sex. He pressured me into it and was always talking about how he should come to my house and we should “sleep” in the tent outside, alone. (In retrospect I’m pretty sure my parents wouldn’t have let us.). He did some pretty inappropriate things over msn video chat (yes, we used msn). (I didn’t reciprocate and we never got anywhere near actually having sex. I don’t think we even ever kissed). Oddly enough, my experience with him shaped me a lot. It made me fairly wary of boys, and I think that experience is probably why I refuse to do pretty much anything with someone I’m not dating and don’t really like.
The second boy in my life was one that I randomly kissed at a party when I was 16 or 17. I was very drunk (and I’d never been drunk before that party) and he was in charge of the music. I wanted to listen to another song, so I guess my devious 16 year old brain thought the best strategy would be to distract him by making out with him.
Then came James. James was a really wonderful guy. I was stupid and probably 17 at that point and didn’t realize what it meant to “like someone”. I pretty much treated the whole thing as a joke, which I still really regret to this day. (He’s since found another girlfriend who he absolutely adores). After we broke up I almost starting dating one of his other friends, but by mutual decision we agreed that that would be a really bad idea.
After James came Andrew. Andrew is my only other serious boyfriend to date, and I adored him. We only dated for 8 months (we broke up when I came to college in the US and he stayed in the UK. It was mutual, and we always knew it was going to happen). He was the first boyfriend that I actually loved. We had a really fun relationship – we only ever really saw each other on weekends and because we knew we were going to break up we rarely fought. He was also the first guy I ever slept with - a difficult decision at the time because we knew we were going to break up and we didn't know if it was "worth it", but in retrospect I am so glad that I did. I’m basically still not over him. We broke up in August and a few weeks later he went on holiday (with his friends) and kissed another girl in a nightclub. At the time it was absolutely awful – I’d just started university, I was already having huge issues with homesickness and that that happened. I still have the voicemail he left telling me to call him so that we could talk about it. Anyway, he eventually ended up dating that girl for almost a year and then had a horrible breakup with her, so they don’t talk any more. Andrew and I are still fairly good friends (I still consider him to be one of my best friends in the UK, which I’m not sure the current boy likes so much) and we go out for lunch/dinner whenever we’re both at home. He knew me better than anyone else three years ago, so he’s still pretty good at giving me advice about various things and he definitely “gets” how I think. Anyway, like I said, I’m not entirely over him. I never will be because he was the first person I loved. That said, nothing would ever ever happen between us now, because we’re past that point in our lives, I have my current boyfriend and to be totally honest I’m not sure it would work.
After the incident with Andrew kissing the other girl, I felt lonely and terrible and like I just needed another boyfriend. I went through two boyfriends in about six months (the first of which later ended up dating my roommate at the time (and they’re still together), which led to a lot of issues. The other is a great guy, and we’re still fairly good friends.) Needless to say, neither relationship worked out, probably because I wanted to get pretty serious pretty quickly (I really just wanted another guy to take Alex’s place and to already be eight months into a relationship).
After I broke up with the second one of those guys, I was feeling terrible, depressed and homesick. For Lent that year I decided to “give up guys”. In other words, I wanted to be single for a while (which is atypical for me!). I told my new best guy friend (who is now my boyfriend) about that resolution and he seemed to think it was a good idea. As we got closer and closer we both wondered whether there was something there, and after a few small issues (most notably my jackass roommate telling him that I absolutely categorically didn’t like him and that he was wasting his time) he finally asked me out. (Or rather kissed me and then said “ok, how should we tell the others that we’re dating”.). And the rest is history J.
Anyway, sorry for the long post. Andrew graduated yesterday, which got me thinking about him again. I never once went up to his University to see him, which I kinda regret. On the other hand, I’m not sure the current boy would have gone for it!
How important a role do boyfriends/girlfriends play in your life?