Diet/I think this is my fourth post today

Oops.

Anyway, today was the first day of my food-logging resolution. I'm probably only going to be this for a week, if that, but I do want to get an idea of where my diet is. I started making much more conscious choices part way through the day, so lunch and dinner were pretty ridiculously healthy, which certainly isn't something I'd do at college. However, I figure that its good to see what it feels like to eat a more perfect diet. Plus, I know its getting pretty late, but I really want to look as good as possible for the boyfriends party. I'm trying to get the gym for the rest of this week, and maybe eat a little less. (I got to the gym today and went on the rotex. I was really hard work!)

Anyway, my calories/fat/protein etc for today were pretty good. My fat was very high, but that was in large part due to "good fats" (olive oil on my salad etc). I also think the protein "goal" is pretty ridiculous, so I need to work out how to change that. Anyway:

Home!

So, I'm home now, which is great. I'm home for about two weeks, and then I'm going to spend the rest of the summer in lab.

In my first two years of college, I found home very stressful and it made me quite unhappy. I'm not really sure why, but I think it was a combination of the hormonal contraception (got much worse after I started taking the pill) and also sibling rivalry (my sister is literally a genius. She's much smarter than me. I just try to hang onto the idea that I'm much more socially adept, which will hopefully serve me better, or equally as well, in the long run. More about that later I'm sure.). Anyway, since all the revelations of junior fall, I'm starting to really enjoy coming home, and I find it much more relaxing now.

Since I've been home...

My sister actually isn't here during the week, as she's working in a physics lab at a university a few hours from home. It's actually kinda nice. I get to see her on the weekends which is good, but it means that I also get a lot of time with my parents without her around (which helps with the sibling rivalry/my feelings of insecurity).

My skins gotten better. In an earlier post I think I talked about how the new sunscreen was making my skin worse. My boyfriend's 21st is on Saturday, and I really want to look good for that. I've stopped using the old sunscreen, and I'm also using a new facewash and I've also been using blackhead removing strips, which seem to be working.

I've missed a few days of vitamins, which isn't great. I need to get back up to speed with those. At home it's a little harder to take them at night, because I'm not sitting around at my desk working, like I am at school.

I've gone to the dentist, and found out that my messed up gum is more serious than I though, but not a total disaster. (Warning: Gross bit) About 10 days ago I managed to cut (cheesewire) the gum behind my last molar on the left side on the bottom (I don't have wisdom teeth) using floss (maybe, it seems a bit unlikely). Anyway, I either did it or exacerbated an existing problem with the floss, and I've partly split my gum open. The dentist doesn't think it'll ever fully heal, but it will close up. I could have surgery to remove the extra piece of gum that's currently attached to the tooth, but he doesn't really recommend it. He's given me some antiseptic type stuff to put on it to prevent infection and told me not to really floss back there (it's okay to do it occasionally and carefully).

I've been bored. I haven't really had all that much that I've needed to do to be honest. Being bored is kinda a nice feeling though, and it is nice to be able to sit around and read fiction books.

I found out that Louis died. We have two dogs (border collies), who are 10 and 11, which is fairly old for a dog. We had a choice of puppies originally, and I absolutely fell in love with Louis, and didn't like the dog we ended up getting at all (I love him now though!). Anyway, Louis is the dog that I loved who is the brother of our current dog.

I've relaxed. I feel much more relaxed and health at home which is good.

I've stopped using the nuvaring (temporarily). I'm not going to see the boyfriend for the whole summer, so it doesn't really make sense to stay on it (especially given how expensive it is!).

Journey Home

I actually flew home on Sunday night, but haven't had a chance to write about it yet.

I have a strong dislike of flying, that I've pretty much had forever. I tend to be slightly better when I fly with my boyfriend, so I arranged this flight so I could fly with him, despite the facts that it was on a more expensive airline that I don't really like and that it was a night flight (which I also don't like). Being the anxious person I am I checked with him a gazillion times that this was the right flight, that we could sit next to each other, that we were going to be in the same class etc.

Anyway, come check-in time we realised that he was in business class, and I was in economy (I always travel economy, I don't see the point in wasting money. He pretty much always travels economy too, but sometimes his mum does something weird like this and puts him in business. He has a tonne of air miles so often he can get upgraded for next to nothing). I was not at all pleased about this and got really angry at him. I was also upset that there'd been a last minute change to plans (and I don't like change). I know this is just me being silly, but I did also feel like his mother was playing a "I'm better than you because my family flies business" game with me (she does do that kind of thing).

I was really upset about it, and he was also pretty upset and offered me the business seat a few times. (But, as I pointed out, he would have chosen this plane etc anyway, so it wasn't like he was making a huge sacrifice. I was making a big sacrifice to get to a goal (sitting next to him) which didn't end up happening. He also didn't really think it was his fault because his mum had booked the flight). I talked to my mum about the whole thing on the way to the airport, and she talked some sense into me. I did feel a bit better about it after that, and the plane was also relatively empty (and I had an extra seat next to me), which meant that he was able to come back and sit with me for parts of the flight, which was nice. In some ways, it was almost nicer to have a free seat next to me than to have him there for the whole flight, just because I was asleep for a lot of it, so the extra space was nice. (Still would have preferred him there, but I guess that was a silver lining!)

More importantly, I also realised that I'm relatively calm (or that I can be relatively calm) when I'm on the plane. I think that my biggest issue with planes is psyching myself out before I get on them, and worrying before I get on them. I'm flying back to the US in a week and a half, so I'm going to see if I can use this new knowledge to make the flight a little more pleasant for myself!

How would other people handle the economy/business class situation?

PS Feel free to leave a comment just to say hi!

Resolutions

It's June! I  can't believe this year has gone so quickly. Anyway, a new month means that I need to make new resolutions and also review how I did on my ones from last month. Annoyingly, I seem to have left my little pink book with all my resolutions in it at school, so I'm not really sure what I'd got down that I wanted to do. Nevertheless, I'm going to come up with some and start on them, and perhaps save the ones in the little pink book for next month. So...

Diet - I really don't know what to do for this one. At all. Eek. I'm trying to think about the aspects of my diet that aren't so great. They're mostly insufficient protein, insufficient fiber (and veggies) and too much sugar. I think I might try to record what I eat for a week to see how many calories, protein, fiber etc I'm getting, and then work on getting up to 25g of fiber per day. I was talking to my mum about it, and neither of us have any idea about how much fiber is in food, unlike calories. So, I guess I want to work on eating more fiber and developing an awareness of which foods contain most fiber. (To do this I'm going to use the tool at http://www.myfitnesspal.com/. If anyone has any suggestions for a better tool that would be much appreciate. I just downloaded this one onto my IPod a while ago, and I think it'll be useful to be able to "track on the go")

Exercise - Weights or rotex.... I have goals for both of them. I like doing weights more than cardio (I didn't use to, but in this heat I really don't enjoy cardio). I think I may sit on this one for a few days and decide later, because whichever one I do doesn't need to be done daily. I'm leaning towards to the rotex (or cross-trainer, my goals for this are basically to get up to the next level on the machine) just because I know that's whats best for me.

Other - Wear sunscreen everyday on face, hands and neck area (if exposed). (I know that this was also a resolution last month, and it went okay, but not great. I didn't really like the sunscreen I was using and it made my skin break out a bit. I've found one that I think will be better, so I'm going to try that.)

Review

Water - I did okay, but not great and not nearly as well as I should have done. It was difficult with all the moving though, because I didn't have my water cooler. It was also difficult because I'd leave it to the last minute (I still can't get in the habit of carrying around water with me) and then I'd worry that I'd be up in the night because I'd drunk too much before bed (which did happen a lot). Of course, getting up in the night isn't good either. Anyway, I am going to try to continue this going forward, I do think it's helpful but I just need to space out my water consumption better.

Sunscreen - see above

Exercise - Plank - I finally did it! I've been trying to hold the plank for two minutes for quite a while now (apparently people who can hold the plank for two minutes have a lower risk of back problems. I already seem to be on the track to potential back problems, so this is important for me). This is definitely something I want to keep working on, and I particularly want to work on improving my form.

Exercise - Running - I was also successful with this one. Over the month I think I ran for twenty minutes three times (one time for 22.5), which was good. But...three times isn't really enough. I'm glad I can do this though, and I definitely want to maintain/improve.

Weight - I'm pretty sure I didn't lose any. Urgh.

Grades - I don't think I've written about this before, but I also had a semester long goal of getting my GPA up to 3.3 (a B+ average) from 3.2 (between a B and B+, a B is 3). I definitely managed to achieve this goal (it's now 3.32!)

"Hot House Flower and the Nine Plants of Desire"

Since I've been done with classes, I've been able to read fiction books! I've read two so far, the second of which is called "Hot House Flower and the Nine Plants of Desire" by Margot Berwin. It's a weird title, and a weird book, but it was also really good and I really enjoyed it. It centers around one woman's post-divorce life-revelations through plants. It's a little hippy/new agey in that some of the characters in the book believe in "plant magic" and other things like that, but the protagonist does question it, which I liked. The book had some parts which really resonated with me, and in some ways it was "preaching" acceptance of the world around us, looking for the good in the world and practicing mindfulness (which are things I'm working on).

Alison at Life in a Pink Fibro has something each week called "Rewind" where people post links to their old posts (it's awesome, you should all do it!). Anyway, through that I found this post (Finding the Mindfulness in the Meaningful) which I really enjoyed. It also talks about mindfulness. Anyway, this post pretty much doesn't make sense, but the summary is that the book and the post have encouraged me to re-start trying to achieve a greater state of mindfulness in my life (mindfulness is also part of ACT). I'll let you know how it goes!

EDIT: I've been looking for resources on the internet, and I've found two sites that I like...http://www.dailygood.org/more.php?n=4595 and http://blogs.psychcentral.com/mindfulness/2011/05/9-ways-to-a-more-mindful-workday/. In addition to these particular articles, they both have many more articles on mindfulness. I think I'm also going to get a book called Excuse Me, College Is Now: How to be a Success in School and Life, which, as the title suggests, is a book for college students about the challenges and difficulties they face. Even though I have been doing much better with college stress etc recently, I'm always interested in reading more about self-improvement type things!

Roommates

So, the boyfriend and I have had to move rooms for the next week or so. He technically isn't meant to be staying with me, but is. We have two other roommates and we're going to be getting a third one today (which means that my boyfriend won't still be able to stay with me :( ). Anyway, one of the girls has two of her friends staying which is fine, but....

Firstly, they have tonnes of alcohol in the room which is fine, but if the campus police were to find it we'd all be in trouble. Secondly, they're loud and noisy and in the room a lot. We came back last night and found one of the *guests* in our common room, on the floor with a guy, messing around. We went off to shower and came back to find an empty condom wrapper and an unwrapped (used) condom in the bin. I'm not a prude, but I think its a bit much to do that on the floor of a shared common room where you're a guest. Secondly, they woke us up at 8 with their loud talking and giggling. The boyfriend went out at 10 to ask them to be a bit more quiet, and they got better, but not much better.
I also went out into the common room and here was a guy out there, who presumably spent the night. I'm really annoyed at these girls (and our roommate who said they could stay) because they're really not acting with much decorum.

 I'm not entirely sure what to do. On one hand, I do have my boyfriend here and I guess he is a guest here. I have this other roommate coming back today, so I want to stay flexible etc because we might want to try to negotiate and get the others to agree to let him stay in the room. I also don't want to seem old and grumpy and like a party pooper. On the other hand, they're really not behaving with any decorum and disrupting our ability to enjoy reunions.

Does anyone have any advice? How would you all handle this kind of thing?

Grades

Just a quick update....

I should preface this by saying that I'm not totally obsessed with grades, but they are important and they were also an important catalyst in making some important changes to my life, which I've talked about before.

Anyway, I've got all my grades for this semester now - I got a B+ in my lab work, and straight A's in my other four classes. I am so pleased with myself. I feel like I was able to make some really important changes to my study habits and that that's really paid off. I'm especially pleased with my grade in history because I really wasn't confident about that one.

On a separate (but related) note, my boyfriends meeting with the academic adviser went really well. He seemed to think that it would be helpful for next semester and he now has some good strategies for exams etc. The adviser also talked a little about how important it is not to base self worth on grades. I've already got passed that a bit (I say a bit because good grades still make me feel really good about myself, but at least my self worth isn't so badly affected by less good results). For my boyfriend I think that was an especially important discussion to have. (He also did pretty well this semester, including in his worse class, which he passed (he chose to do it pass/fail as opposed to graded). He got one B and the rest of his results were all B+, which is a pretty good result.)

I still haven't told the boyfriend about my grades because I don't want to upset him and overshadow his good achievements. On the other hand, I would like to tell him because we share everything. On the other hand, I don't want to upset him.

Does anyone else have this kind of problem? Any advice?

Anyway, just a quick update!

Summer Money Issues

I get paid ($450/week) for working in my lab over the summer. As you all know, I was hoping I'd be able to lead some tours as well, mostly for my own personal development. However, I've found out that I'm going to get paid for that as well, and there lies the problem... . I'm already working in my lab for forty hours, so any work I do outside that means that I'd be working overtime. The way it apparently works is that my lab and the tour guide people split the cost of the overtime. The tour guide people are happy with it, but my supervisor isn't and I feel a bit bad about it because he was there first as it were. Also, of course, my first priority this summer is to work in lab.

I'm not hugely concerned about the money/overtime, but still. My professor has offered to reduce my work-week in lab to 38 hours, but I don't really like that idea. Firstly, I think it makes it seem like I'm slacking off a bit (even though I'll actually be working for way more than 38 hours/week). Secondly, each tour is one hour and fifteen minutes, so that actually means that I'd only be able to do one tour and I'd be getting paid less overall (lab pays $11.25/hour apparently). Not a huge difference, but probably $100 or so over the summer.

I'm in touch with the tour guiding people trying to see if it's possible for me to do that on a volunteer basis or not be paid the overtime so fingers crossed for that! I'm just frustrated by this whole thing because it is my thing to sort out, but I feel like I'm hitting dead ends everywhere, I don't really care about getting paid for the tour guiding thing (obviously that would be nice, but that's not why I'm doing it and the pay isn't that incredible) and the whole getting paid aspect is appearing to add a lot of difficulty! Anyway, fingers crossed for being able to do the tour guiding thing on a volunteer basis!

New York and Grades

My mum was in NY today, so the boyfriend and I spent the day there and then met up with her for dinner, which was really nice. It was also great to get off campus - the boyfriend is so so much more relaxed and happy when we're not on campus.

With regards to grades...I'm still waiting for one of them, but so far I'm really pleased with them. I got a B+ in my lab work (which I'm pleased with as I didn't think I was going to do that well) and I got an A in Sociology, an A in my engineering class and an A in my Chemistry class. I am so super pleased with those results (and my GPA is looking much better as a result of them!). (I'm still wavering a bit about whether my A in Chemistry was fully deserved. I am so pleased with it, but I really wasn't expecting it. My entire grade in that class hinged on my final paper, which, due to the professor not wanting to set an exam, made up 100% of the grade. I did work hard on that paper, and I certainly understood my stuff for it, but it just seems like I worked much less hard for that class than my other classes. On the other hand, I guess compared to everyone else in that class I did work hard and learn and achieve a lot.)

I can't believe that a year ago I got B-,B-,B-,A-. It seems like I've come so far since then! I'm not sure if it's because I'm taking easier courses/am more settled into everything here or if it's because I'm getting better at school! To be honest, I think it's a combination of both, but it's certainly nice to see my hard work paying off.

I've talked about the academic support here before, but I really do think it's incredible. It completely helped me to turn my grades around (from averaging about a B to an A-). I think I said in an earlier post that the boyfriend and I are going to talk to the head of that program tomorrow in the hopes that they'll be able to help him a bit as well (despite the fact that he's gone before and didn't find them helpful). Fingers crossed for that...I'll let you know how it goes!

Summer Schedule and Update!

I'm spending my summer working in my lab at college :S. I told them I couldn't work this week and I'm going home for the next two weeks, which I'm looking forward to. The boyfriend and I are staying on campus this week, as all our graduation ceremonies/reunions are happening next week and we wanted to go to some of those things.

We had to move rooms for that (and he doesn't even technically have a room, so he's living in my room. I'm in a three room quad, meaning that there are two bedrooms, each with two beds in them. Luckily, my roommate (who I've never met) won't be here till Friday, so he's able to stay with me till then). Moving was incredibly stressful. I hate change anyway, it was hot and sweaty out and he was getting mad about having to move everything. Anyway, that's done now (but we have to move again at the end of this week, because I'm in a different room again for the summer), but it was really stressful at the time.

Since then we've just been trying to chill and de-stress, but there's still a lot that we need to do. I went to the doctor today and got my nuvaring prescription refilled - apparently it costs $20/month (with insurance), which is a bit ridiculous. I also got a new pair of shorts for the gym which I'm excited about! Talking about the gym I haven't been in the longest time. I'm planning to go today though for a bit. My diet has been so poor recently that I'm never going to hit my 5lb goal for this month, but a bit of toning never hurt and I need to start going to the gym again for my own sanity. I've also fallen off the wagon a bit with my resolutions. Now that we're settled into the new room though I'm going to try to start working on them again!

Regarding grades...I'm still waiting on one in particular that I'm worried about (I'm meant to be getting it today), so as soon as I get that one I'll let you all know about the ones I have (temper the bad news of that grade with the good news of the others). The main issue with grades is the boyfriends grades though. Every semester he's always disappointed with his grades (mostly B-, B, B+) and thinks they don't adequately reflect his work input. To be honest, I kind of agree with him. He always gets a bit depressed about it, feels useless, compares himself to his genius sister and me (I do slightly better than him) etc. I never know how best to help him, as I don't want to make it seem like his problems don't matter, on the other hand I don't think his grades are that inherently bad. It's really getting to be a bit of a problem though, as I don't tell him my grades now because I don't want to upset him, and the whole not telling each other thing isn't really how our relationship operates. (NB He had a tough freshman year, got an F, through no fault of his own, and a C or two, so his GPA is really not good. Part of the reason he's so tough on himself now is that he really needs A and A-'s to pull up the GPA). I've finally got him to agree to go see the academic counseling people here. I've been to see them before and they really helped me to turn my grades around. He's been to see them before and doesn't like them at all. I think part of that though is his reluctance to put what they tell him into practice... . Anyway, I'm probably going to go to this meeting with him, which I'm hoping will help because at least I'll be able to remember/write down their advice! (Sorry about that rant!)

Does anyone else have suggestions for dealing with these kind of (boy)friend grade issues?

So, guess whose been terrible at updating the blog?

I promise a proper update soon, but I'm done!! So pleased about that, just a little worried about the grades...(there is good news on some fronts there though, which I'll share properly when I get a chance for a proper update).
I had to move out of my room which was incredibly stressful, but luckily my wonderful, incredible boyfriend helped me move everything!
The rest of this week is going to be some time off, followed by two weeks at home :).
I promise a proper update soon, and absolutely definitely before next Monday!

One down...two to go!

I had my sociology exam today. I'm glad it's over. To be honest, it didn't really feel that much like an exam. It was open notes and open book. and there was very little time pressure. I really really am hoping I did well on it - I really didn't like either of the essay questions though. Neither of them really made that much sense to me :S. Anyway, fingers crossed.

I had a review session for my next exam (engineering) straight after the sociology exam, so now I'm worrying a bit about that. I had another review session for history (with the TA, not Professor) and I'm super worried about that one. We have to write an essay covering from the 1600s to today in Urban planning in the US in 50 minutes! (Along with another 50 minute essay, a 20 minute essay and 12 "identifications" in an hour! Eek!).

I know it's really boring to hear about me studying but that's all I've been doing recently, and all I'll be doing tomorrow and the day after. Come Friday afternoon though, I'm free....to pack up all my belongings and put them in storage :(. On the plus side, the boyfriend and I are going to cook dinner together, which I'm looking forward to :).

Hmmm...

I'm still not feeling great, but...the good thing is that I know what's causing it. Before the beginning of this year (when I had my little epiphany about being able to change my life if I want to) I don't think I would have known the cause. Or at least I would have found it harder to accept the cause and the fact that this is just a temporary state of mind that will fade over the next month. When you know what's causing something (housing issues, exam stress, upset about the end of the school year), and you know that those things are going to pass it makes it a lot easier to deal with what's going on. (This is also partly something that ACT has taught me, thoughts are just thoughts, they don't (necessarily) mean anything and they will pass).

I've had an interesting few days with the whole food/losing 5 lbs thing. I've realised that I do actually have a lot more willpower than I thought I did and that I can say no to food. Whenever I wanted to eat something that's not good for me I ask myself how I'll feel about having eaten it in half an hour. Sometimes (a small piece of cake at dinner) I decide it's worth it it, other times (snacking on crisps) I decide it's not. Fingers crossed that this mindset will continue and that the weight will start coming off!

Exam studying is going okay, not great. I've had a lethargic type of day today (I didn't sleep enough last night, and I'm in this dark mood), but I have gone through all my lecture notes for my Tuesday exam and I also finished the reading (that I was meant to do months ago and didn't) for it. Just need to go over my notes on the other readings and think about possible questions that might come up and then I'm good to go!

Feeling a little bit better

After I posted that post yesterday I went for a run (with the boyfriend). It was a tough run - partly because I wasn't really in the mood for it, and partly because it was an outdoor run, which I don't normally do. I ran a little slower than usual (according to my gizmo). But, the good news is that I ran for 22 mins 30 seconds, which is even better than my goal for this month!

I also reflected on some of the good things that happened to me yesterday. Something I've been working on is getting less distracted when I'm studying. I have a really bad tendency to be studying and remember that I need to do something (send an email or something) and feel like it can't wait. One thing I did yesterday that seemed to work well was to put little sticky notes in my reading (randomly) that had little rewards on them (e.g. email, have a snack, facebook etc). It made it all a little more a game, which was good!


I still haven't lost any weight (130.8 lbs), which I'm a bit annoyed about. I know it takes time, but I've been feeling like I've been being really good, and usually weight comes off me pretty quickly. Anyway, I'm just trying not to get discouraged.

My skin is also getting a little dicey. Maybe its because of all the water (which is meant to clear your skin, but the skin will probably go through a bad period first, while it's clearing), the sunscreen (I'm not crazy about my current one, but I should be wearing it. And it is a resolution for this month. I think I'm going to give my skin a day off from it today...), stress, or me picking at it/touching it more. I'm going to try to be super nice to it today :)

Anyway, I should get some studying (Sociology) done!

Urgh

Today was...not a good day. Nothing super terrible happened, but a combination of exam stress, housing stress and being sad that the school year is almost over doesn't make for a great day.

Exam stress is pretty self-explanatory. I probably should've started studying earlier, but like usual, I didn't. I do have a good study plan worked out, and should be able to get everything done, but everything's just taking a lot longer than I'd like. I also have the last exam (Friday) out of everyone in my friendship group. It's not the end of the world, but they're all planning end of exams celebrations which I can't go to :(.

Housing stress.... I'm staying at college over the summer and I get a room through the University. I have a really nice room (with my best friend and another girl who I know will drive me crazy :S. We have three connected singles though, so it shouldn't be too bad). Anyway, between the time I leave my current room and move into my new room is the problem (it's about a week, during Reunions). I also have University housing for those 7 days, but...the University tries to keep you either in your school-year room or your summer room, but I'm going to be moved to another random room (not my school year room and not my summer room). This is super annoying for a few reasons - more moving of all my stuff and the fact that the boyfriend (who is going to be staying with me, even though he's technically not meant to be here) is going to cause problems, because I've been put in a double room with another girl, who most likely won't want him also sleeping in there. He probably can stay with some of our other (guy) friends (including the "other guy"), but we were really hoping for some time together, which we're not really going to get so much now. Plus, I now have to move my stuff from my "interim" room to my summer room...when I'm at home. In the UK. For various complicated reasons, the housing office thinks I'm here then (you can't take time off in the middle of your summer contract), so I doubt they're going to be very helpful. At the moment, I think I'm going to have to ask my summer roommates to move my stuff, but I feel really bad about doing that (I have a lot of stuff!).

And about the school year being nearly over - I'm adverse to change. I pretty much don't ever like anything ending. I used to cry every birthday and New Years Eve, because I didn't want that year of my life to end...

Anyway, I'm trying to be positive. I know everything will work out okay, it's just a little bit stressful at the moment! (And I hope that was coherent. I just had to get it out!)